No seriously, I really am.
It may look like in this photo that I'm cool as a cucumber just chatting up with my super handsome husband up there (which his level 10 attractiveness is totally accurate). What you don't know is that moments before this, my heart was literally beating out of my chest. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, it was that bad. The day before, I almost threw up.
I have performed a script in front of 800 people before, and let me tell you that is CAKE in comparison to spilling out my heart-thoughts to even 10 people. Heck, in college, I hated group presentations because it was my own words in front of a group of peers who could possibly be swayed by my words. Not likely, as we were all exhausted college students in an 8am class, but it could happen.
When the words coming from my mouth are straight from my own mind, and they are going to affect the world around me, something shifts in my brain. All of the sudden, the process in which I articulate my thoughts is the most important thing I have ever done, and that flipping scares me. I am by no means a verbal processor. I have to write everything down and read it 500 times before I send out an important email. Before I make a hard phone call, I have to write down everything I am going to say, and even come up with some extra responses just in case they ask the hard questions that I don't want them to ask. And when you're in front of a group of people, sharing about Jesus, the way you talk about Him is all the more important, because you could literally be part of changing someone's entire life.
What. The. Heck.
I am not qualified be up there. Why did they even ask me to do this? I have no experience teaching on the weekends. I have not had any seminary training whatsoever. I communicate better through grande jete's and high C's than through illustrations and inductive devices. And I cried during the 6 hour session my husband and I spent preparing this message together, because I truly believed I couldn't do it. I'm not as smart as he is, and I'm definitely not as confident as he is in his work. I was stepping into his territory, and I wanted nothing more than to let him take the full lead, and just be a smiling face next to him onstage.
But he reminded me of something fierce, and it totally shifted my focus. If I took one person out to coffee, and I had to explain the concepts we were speaking on to them, what would I say? If I was only talking to one person across a table, sharing a box of donuts from Pushkins (cuz GF life), how would I get the message across to them? Speaking to multiple people is just speaking to one person who truly needs it. One person, who needs to hear your voice in order to be motivated to change, to keep going, to LIVE.
My mission changed right then and there. It was no longer to prove that I could do it, and I was worthy of the spot I was given for a weekend. My mission was to use this message to tell a story; to share life experiences and quotes of advice that have impacted me. My mission was to truly believe what I was saying, because if I didn't believe it, who else would?
So, that's what I did. I believed in what I said. I even added a few things on the spot, because they were truly what my heart felt like I needed to say. The first time we spoke that weekend was a rush of nerves, and I jumbled all over the place, and we changed things that just didn't hit right. And each time we repeated it after that, it felt better and better. By no means was I perfectly satisfied with what came out of my mouth, but I conquered a fear, big time. I left that day, not only feeling a new door open, but gaining a HUGE respect for our pastors and how they communicate so well week after week.
Now, I'm challenged, and I invite you to join me, to use every public platform that I maintain to tell a story. The story of how I want life here on earth to be portrayed: truthfully, kindly, and boldly. Because if I can create a story that I believe, and I can put it out there for the world to see, then maybe the change will come. My words will look and sound different than yours, and that is PERFECT. As long as the stories are told, lives can change.
Wanna hear our message? You can check it out on Subsplash Here.
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